“Join us in protesting the Unholy Union of Church and State. Celebrate X-Mass with the Altered Boys Choir. Raise high your skirts and let your voices sing praises to Common Sense and the Body Electric…”
– Introduction to The Altered Boys X-Mass Songbook, 1989
Chuck Stallard, Altered Boys, Church of the Good Shepherd, Beverly Hills, December 1989, 1989. Silver gelatin print, dimensions variable. Courtesy of the artist and drkrm editions, Los Angeles.
On the morning of December 10, 1989, dressed in flowing robes and halos of coat hangers and tinsel, a caravan of caroling AIDS activists bestowed visitations on four Catholic churches across Los Angeles. The group, mainly comprised of gay men, waited for parishioners to enter or exit the service before erupting in song. “We gay queens from Hollywood are, bearing condoms, O yes we are,” they gleefully belted to the tune of “We Three Kings.” “Rubber the Red-Tipped Condom” told the story of a prophylactic who was once unloved and unused—that is, until Santa sang his praises and he became all the rage among gay men. “I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus” was pure gay merriment. In a photo of the group at Good Shepherd Roman Catholic Church, the building’s mission revival architecture in the background, the gaggle of carolers radiate joy, smiles and smirks plastered on their faces.
The carolers, indeed, made the yuletide gay. But the sad reality was that none of their troubles were miles away. The HIV/AIDS pandemic was escalating at alarming rates in LA and across the country. Organized by the local branch of the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power (ACT UP/LA), this action exploited the holiday spirit, repurposing tedious but beloved tunes for the struggle against the virus. Accompanying the carolers were about fifty ACT UP demonstrators who handed out condoms and safe sex information to parishioners and passersby. Irritated by the intrusive yet peaceful action, most parishioners chose not to engage, though one worshiper in Beverly Hills allegedly punched an activist in the stomach.
The choir’s performance coincided with a number of other nationwide demonstrations against the Catholic Church’s relentless assault on safe sex, queer people, women, and individuals living with HIV/AIDS. Just a couple of hours earlier in New York City, for instance, ACT UP staged one of its most legendary protests, “Stop the Church,” in which activists interrupted Mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral with an exquisitely choreographed die-in. Ray Navarro provided color commentary dressed as Jesus Christ. The provocative title of the LA intervention, “Slice Mahony’s Baloney,” targeted in particular the dangerous views of local Archbishop Roger Mahony, who had asserted, just two months before, “There is no such thing as safe, or safer, sex.” Along with lambasting this ridiculous position, the protest’s suggestive name got its revenge by sexualizing the archbishop—a man who, it would turn out, played a key role in covering up sex crimes in the Church. It is fitting, then, that the short-lived anonymous collective of spirited artists, designers, actors, costumers, and musicians responsible for this performance called itself the “Altered Boys.” The name was a tongue-in-cheek reference to the sexual abuse of altar boys as well as Catholic calls for homosexuals to be celibate. It also implied that queer people were profoundly altered by living in a homophobic culture that despised their very existence.
For the Altered Boys, altering the words of the holiday canon was not only politically and pedagogically useful, but also, clearly, a great deal of fun. Collected in a Xeroxed songbook for fellow protesters, the revised carols were variously campy, irreverent, lewd, penetrating, and heart-wrenching. Across the repertoire, the promotion of safe sex was a central concern. While one hymn proclaimed, “O cum all ye faithful, cum into a condom,” another sounded, “God rest you merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay. Remember prophylactics were made for safer play.” Importantly, the carolers insisted that safe sex was not solely a prescription for queer people: one tune stressed, “Oh, you better wise up if you’re straight or you’re bi. You better get real, I’m telling you why. Condom use is coming to town.” A revitalized version of “Away in a Manger” even graphically outlined how to put on a condom: “Away with all danger, it’s there by the bed. The little round latex fits right o’er the head. Unwrap it and roll it, right down to the base. And squeezing the air out will keep it in place.”
Beyond spreading the gospel of safe sex, some songs singled out the Catholic Church as a destructive influence on the lives of queer people and women. As one carol rang, “Bigots we have heard on high, preaching sermons o’er the plains. And the morons in reply, echoing their lethal strains.” In “Hark! Archbishop Roger Speaks,” the Altered Boys mocked the Church’s embrace of abstinence: “Only when we want a child, can we get a little wild. Every sperm and egg we breed, one more Catholic mouth to feed. Mary didn’t feel a thing, glory to the newborn king.”
At the opposite end of the emotional spectrum, the updated version of “Silent Night” featured painfully poignant lyrics, including “Silent night, holy night. My best friend died last night.” Sincere lines such as this straightforward sentence disrupted the campy humor of “Slice Mahony’s Baloney,” shedding light on the raw psychological dimensions of the pandemic. By rewriting a sacred hymn about the birth of Christ as an elegy, the Altered Boys also hinted that victims of AIDS—crucified, in effect, by an ignorant society—were not terribly dissimilar to Christ himself.
It is interesting to note that even within a radical organization such as ACT UP/LA, there was considerable debate on how to tackle the Catholic Church’s injurious positions. Certain activists felt that the group should concentrate on the Church hierarchy and leave the laity alone. A few days before “Slice Mahony’s Baloney,” AIDS activists from a different group called Greater Religious Responsibility! (GRR!) splattered red paint across four local Catholic churches and decked them with posters that denounced Archbishop Mahony as a murderer. Whereas the media criticized GRR!’s vandalism as cowardly, “Slice Mahony’s Baloney” generated terrific publicity for ACT UP/LA. According to Craig Collins, ACT UP/LA’s media coordinator, the mainstream media started to warm up to the direct-action group after this compelling intervention. “These people are going to die,” Collins bluntly told one baffled reporter covering the protest. He could tell by the look on her face that this comment had finally made palpable the urgency of their activism.
Like the Ghost of Christmas Past, the Altered Boys provide historical insights into the terrors of the present. The HIV/AIDS pandemic continues, as explored in a recent dialogue between Alexandra Juhasz and Theodore (ted) Kerr. Now, of course, COVID-19 also structures our lives, compounding existing inequalities by mostly hurting those who are already hurting. One of the hallmarks of this new pandemic is the prohibition on gathering together, let alone singing in choirs, religious or otherwise. Meanwhile, the blatantly hypocritical appointment of devout Catholic Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court in October is a distressing reminder of the Church’s power in American society, especially in the realm of public health. At stake are not only sexual and reproductive rights but also the spread of COVID-19, since religious institutions are demonstrated hotbeds of viral transmission. How AIDS activists queered Christmas, appropriating the carol as a brazen vehicle for protest and education, might be an object lesson for some of the battles ahead. x
Jackson Davidow is a writer and art historian based in Boston.